


Mingi's Unravelling

by immortalflowers



Series: i was here before [1]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Childhood Friends to Lovers, Christmas Dinner, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Song Mingi Centric, awkward dinners, dealing with grief, undisclosed illness, yes i'm writing about christmas in the middle of summer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:14:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25735636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/immortalflowers/pseuds/immortalflowers
Summary: It's Christmas. Mingi visits old friends with the love of his life.
Relationships: Jeong Yunho/Song Mingi
Series: i was here before [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2024900
Comments: 10
Kudos: 43





	Mingi's Unravelling

Mingi shudders when the cold gust of wind hits him. He's wearing the matching striped hat Yunho had gifted him sometime two years ago. Too early for Christmas, and too late for his birthday.

The snow squelches under his boots as he quickens up his steps, almost late for the party at Seonghwa and Hongjoong's. One of his arms is weighted with gift bags for all his friends, the other holds a bouquet of blush pink and snow-white carnations for Yunho. No evergreens, he never liked them.

The town is all decked out in Christmas regalia, all the fairy lights hurt his eyes, but seeing Yunho again and all his friends will be worth it. He almost breaks out into a run, his excitement hard to quell.

He steps onto the street just a second before the light turns green, and almost slips on an iced-over puddle in the middle of the busy road, but a hand catches him in the last moment. He turns around and gasps. "We were supposed to be meeting after the party!" he whines.

"Thank you for saving my life Yunho. I love you Yunho, it's nice seeing you," Yunho mocks, a smile on his face. "Are those for me?" he asks when he notices Mingi hiding the flowers behind his back.

"No," Mingi lies, an insufferable smile on his face, finally matching Yunho.

They gaze at each other, and Mingi wants to cry at the look in Yunho's eyes, all those years spent together. "Well, let's hurry off the road," Yunho says, and pulls Mingi along.

-

The world is a mess. But then again the world has always been a mess, there's not much an individual can do about it.

Even when he was just a kid, Mingi knew that the world was cruel and unforgiving. It didn't give a fuck about Song Mingi, much less his mother, who was lying in the hospital ill, and how their budget got tighter month by month until there was next to nothing left.

It gave even less shit for Jeong Yunho; for the fact his parents disavowed him because he liked boys. Because he liked Mingi.

He learned very early on not to care too much about others. Others' opinions of him, of his relationship with Yunho, the fact that he had to distribute in highschool so that he could pay for his family’s bills. His father didn't care either, though he sent them money from time to time. To Mingi it was enough, he didn't need his absent father's love when he had Yunho and a purpose in life (: to love him).

And amid life happening, Yunho was always there - his joy, his best friend since they were babies, the love of his life. His everything.

The world backed off a bit whenever Yunho smiled. And when he laughed? Oh, when he laughed, Mingi was always there to hear it.

He loved Yunho, and he was loved in return. Simple, but all he needed at the time.

-

They've almost arrived at their friends' apartment when Mingi realizes something. "You're wearing the hat," he points out.

"Why, yes I am Mingi," Yunho pets his own head, a motion that would seem self-conscious if Yunho had a self-conscious bone in his body. "You too are wearing the hat, aren't you? It's that time of the year, after all."

"It is," Mingi agrees, but something is nagging at the back of his mind. What is he missing?

"Hold these for me for a sec?" Mingi asks, polite as ever as he crouches down to tie his boots. Yunho is wearing black Adidas shoes.

"Okay," Mingi says and stands up.

"All done?"

"Yup."

They continue on their way.

-

"Mingi, honey, you don't have to work so hard," his mother always told him, and he always felt affronted whenever she said anything about him paying the bills as if she had any other source of income.

"It's okay, mom, I don't mind," he'd say and kiss her on the head. "I gotta go now." he arranged the white carnations in the vase on the rickety cupboard next to her hospital bed.

"Say hello to Yunho for me," she squeezed his hand before he left. "Yeah, yeah," he answered dismissively. "Of course I will."

"How did it go?" Yunho asked holding Mingi so viciously tight he thought his lungs would explode before he managed to make love to him.

"I don't want to talk about it," Mingi said, bitter and hurt. He just wanted to help, that was all.

"You never do, do you?" Yunho sighed, and his body contorted with the angry cough he's been sporting for the last few days now.

"You're still not any better?" Mingi asked, concerned, and placed his hand on Yunho's forehead. "You don't feel hot, though," he frowned.

"That didn't answer my question, and no I'm not better, I guess I'll have to go see a doctor."

"You better," Mingi said and wrestled Yunho back on the bed, into the lying position they go.

They kissed, they talked (not about how Mingi was getting the money to pay for his college, their apartment and his mother's hospital bills at the same time) and they fucked, as usual.

Everything was normal, except nothing was okay, and Mingi's life began unraveling.

-

"Hey, Yeosang," Mingi hears Yunho say when Yeosang opens the door to Seonghwa and Hongjoong's apartment. Mingi would find it weird that Yeosang was opening the door, but they've all been friends for so long, his absence would more likely be noted than anything else amiss.

They hug, and Mingi feels something wet on his shoulder, Yeosang turns around to wipe his tears away. Mingi isn't that emotional, or so he tells himself, so he just nudges the door wider with the heel of his foot and goes inside, pretending he didn't see anything.

The table is huge (one of the reasons they do these types of dinners here), and it's set for eight. Tall champagne glasses are filled to the brim with orange juice, Mingi snorts at the sight.

It had been Yunho's idea because at the time Jongho had still been underage, so now they start every celebration with orange juice.

"They're still all here," Yunho marvels at the sight of his friends together. Mingi side-eyes him. 

"Of course they are," he scoffs taking off his coat, "where else would they be?"

Seonghwa comes up to him then, clasps his shoulder in  _ hello _ , in  _ are you okay? _ In  _ how is life treating you? _ He doesn't like the look in Seonghwa's eyes, it's too similar to the one his mother used to give him whenever he said she didn't have to worry about the bills.

"Let me take that," he motions at the bouquet in his hands, and his first instinct is to wrench himself away from Seonghwa. 

"Let him have them," Yunho pipes in, grabbing Mingi’s hand, "they'll die before we go home if you don’t put them in water." 

His fingers slacken under Yunho’s touch, and he lets go; sends a smile Seonghwa’s way just to reassure him that he’s  _ really  _ fine.

It’s like the place hasn’t changed in the past few years, even though Mingi knows it has. The tv mounted on the wall is new, as is the bathroom. They saved up for months to renovate it. Hongjoong constantly complained because Seonghwa made him buy a cheaper brand of coffee he never learned to like, how could Mingi forget? 

There’s a Hongjoong sized Christmas tree lavishly decorated in gold ornaments and shiny tinsel, the warm yellow fairy lights wink at him as he moves to say hello to Wooyoung and San, who hadn’t even noticed he arrived busy being entangled in each other, almost obscene in their love. 

“Look what the cat dragged in,” Wooyung laughs at Mingi’s pants, wet from snow and slush spraying on the back of them as he walked. 

“Fuck off,” Mingi rebuffs, “I’ll burn your fucking gift.”

“When did you become a pyromaniac?” San asks, looking on as Mingi and Wooyoung hug. Mingi lets go of Wooyoung to clasp San’s arm and then lets go of them completely to place the gift bags under the tree.

Once they’re all seated around the table - Seonghwa and Hongjoong on the ends of it, Yunho across Mingi, and everyone else dispersed on the rest of the empty chairs, “Let’s pray,” Jongho says, grabbing Yeosang’s hand on one side, and Mingi’s on the other. Everyone groans as he starts because they know it’ll take forever, Hongjoong just shushes them, and Yunho sends him a wink from across the table.

They make polite small talk as they eat, everyone speaking about where they’re going on vacation; if there’s anything new in their lives. “What about you Mingi?” Seonghwa prods. “How have you been?” Careful, polite, put together Seonghwa. Mingi wants to bash his head in.

It’s like he walked into the wrong apartment building, like the people sitting around the table don’t know him. Imposters in place of friends. 

He smiles at Seonghwa. “Same old, same old. We sold the old apartment, moved a few months ago.” He doesn’t notice the pitying look Hongjoong is sending him. Actively chooses not to look. 

“I should go,” Mingi says, the sound of cutlery clinking on the dishes is making him angry for no discernable reason. “Thank you for dinner,” he says as he stands up from the table.

“Don’t go yet,” Hongjoong says at the same time. “You didn’t even try the desert,” he smiles sadly at Mingi.

And he is so so mad now, he needs to leave this place, needs to go out where the air is fresher, where he can’t smell the sudden oppressing smell of cigarette smoke. “Can I get the flowers back?” he directs this at Seonghwa, who looks like he’s about to cry, and Mingi really doesn’t want to be in his vicinity when that happens. Seonghwa nods unsurely but brings them out of the kitchen anyway. 

“As I said,” Mingi says to Hongjoong who’s following him out, “thank you for dinner.” he bows, unnecessarily courteous, and runs down the stairs like the devil is at his heels.

-

Mingi returned from yet another grueling day at work to find Yunho passed out in the bed. He went to see his doctor that day, and Mingi was rather glad he was asleep, he wouldn’t be able to take any more bad news, and if Yunho is asleep, that means he can’t tell him how much money he needs for all additional check-ups. To be completely honest, he hoped there wouldn’t be any.

It would be the world’s most cruel joke, and yet…

Yunho woke up barely able to speak, his voice so hoarse, they resorted to talking through the notes app, and when Yunho became so weak he couldn’t even type anymore, Mingi scooped him up into his arms and almost cried when he noticed how thin Yunho had become in such a short time. 

He brought him to the hospital on his own arms and left empty-handed.

-

“Mingi,” Yunho yells after him. “Wait up.”

He slows his steps from a full out run to speed walking. He can’t do this anymore, he’s just waiting for his life to unravel completely, to swallow him whole and spit out the bones like a sated snake.

“You left your hat,” Yunho pouts at him as he finally catches up. He takes it from Yunho’s cold hands and brings it over his ears, already reddened from the cold winter air.

When they reach their final destination, Mingi feels like someone is choking the life out of him, restricting his breathing so that his body is wracked with painful sobs.

He stops at his mother’s grave to say hello, to say goodbye, and he can feel Yunho’s hands on his shoulders, grounding him in reality or his version of it.

He’s not a believer in anything beyond what he can attest to with his own two eyes, but when he was a child his grandmother thought him that to touch the gravestone means to show his loved one that he was there. 

So he cleans the snow to show his mother’s name, his fingers freezing cold without gloves, and murmurs something like a prayer; pulls one of the light pink carnations from the bouquet, and places it on the cold ground.

“Let’s go,” Yunho says and they walk hand in hand over to the newer graves, the ones that still have only a wooden cross to indicate who lies inside them. The ones that are still overflowing with colorful wreaths, now covered with fresh snow.

Mingi walks until he finds the name he’s looking for. 

Jeong Yunho.

He falls knees first into the wet soil at the foot of Yunho’s grave and weeps because he can’t scream. Mingi wishes for history to repeat itself. For himself not to be a coward. Wishes to hold Yunho in his arms again.

"Why are you here?" Mingi turns to ask Yunho. "How?" his voice is barely a whisper in the dusk that is descending all around them.

"That's the thing baby, I'm not," he covers Mingi's hands with his own. He shakes his head, “I never was.”

“What do you want?” he’s so so tired, he wishes he could sleep for a month uninterrupted. He might even lie down in snow, maybe that way he will be closer to Yunho.

“For you to be happy,” Yunho kisses his brow, so tangible, so real.

And when he opens his eyes, Yunho is gone.

He cries and thinks about smashing something, about hurting himself; breaking his fingers and someone’s face in the process. 

The world is cruel alright, and Mingi wakes every morning to face it on his own.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry
> 
> want more yungi but this time super fluffy and soft? [here you go](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22685578)
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/yoongsicle)  
> [cc](https://curiouscat.qa/immortalflowers)


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